Meditation Mishaps and Miracles — part 2

You take yourself everywhere you go.

There I was... boyfriend gone, job gone (okay, that one was my own choice — I quit because I wasn’t happy there), and honestly... I had kind of lost myself too. The plan was to change my surroundings, which would change my life — at least, that's what I thought. But some lessons, you can't leave behind... no matter where you move.

Panic mode: activated

I had hoped the 10-day Vipassana course I followed would magically hand me all the insights I'd been looking for, and that I would emerge as a brand-new, enlightened version of myself.
But nope — it didn’t feel like that at all.
My mind went into overdrive: What now? How can I stop feeling like a total loser? Like a victim? I was angry at the world, and honestly, I didn’t even like myself very much either. “In resistance lies suffering,” as Eckhart Tolle says.
Fighting reality only makes you suffer more, but nothing felt good and so I was in constant resistant of what was at the time.

A call that changed everything

Then came a phone call that would change everything.
Someone asked if I’d be interested in a job in Switzerland, working for an international fashion brand. Honestly? I was kind of done with the fashion world after 12 years... But hey — I needed a plan. And what better plan than starting fresh in a new country, with a new job and new people? I said yes without hesitation.
Five interviews and one company visit later, I finally heard the magic words: “You’re hired!”
I remember feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Finally, I could start over — build a new life from scratch.
My own Eat, Pray, Love story — only with Timberlands instead of sandals.

A new beginning (sort of)

After saying my goodbyes, the big day arrived.
As the plane took off, I had tears in my eyes — tears of relief and excitement.
This is it. I’m leaving behind everything that made me feel stuck... right?
A few hours later, reality started to sink in.
Was this really the right decision?
What was I thinking?
And why on earth did I move to a country where I didn’t even speak the language?

On my first day, I set out to explore my new surroundings.
Knowing my sense of direction isn’t exactly my strong suit, I kept my walks simple — straight lines only, just to be safe.
There was a Christmas market going on — cozy stalls, glühwein, handmade gifts, twinkling lights. It all looked beautiful. But inside, I didn’t feel that cozy, magical vibe.
Instead, I just felt... disconnected. Not the fresh new start I had imagined.

Lessons I didn’t expect

Still, life had other plans for me. Over the next four years, I worked hard, traveled often, and somewhere along the way, I found the love of my life.
(Not a handsome Italian — but a very handsome Dutch guy I had actually known since I was 13. He was the brother of my then-best friend.)
He lived in Croatia at the time, I lived in Italy... and somehow, after 20 years without contact, our paths crossed again (thank you, social media).

I also met amazing people from all over the world and had the chance to work with wonderful colleagues from many different cultures.
I reinvented parts of myself, little by little.
But if I’m really honest, there was always this feeling in the background — a quiet sense of dissatisfaction I couldn’t quite shake.
And that old saying turned out to be very true:
You take yourself everywhere you go.

I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I had a great job, a good salary, I lived in Italy at Lake Como and worked in Switzerland. I had made some great friendships — and still, I wasn’t happy with where I was in life.
Everything can look perfect from the outside, but if you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, none of that really matters.

Four years in, I experienced the worst thing that ever happened to me.
My father developed complications after surgery and passed away.
It all happened so quickly.
After the funeral, I made up my mind: time is too short, and I have to follow my heart.
One of the decisions I made was to move back to my hometown — to be closer to my mom, to family, and to friends.

To be continued...
Moving abroad didn’t fix everything.
But it cracked something open — and set the stage for a whole new chapter.
Because coming home after more than 20 years... is a journey in itself.
How do you reconnect with a place you once left behind?
How do you build a life that fits who you’ve become?

Part 3 is coming soon.

Stay magical,
Madelon