Meditation Mishaps and Miracles - part 2
You take yourself everywhere you go.
There I was... boyfriend gone, job gone (okay, that one was my own choice, I quit because I wasn’t happy there), and honestly... I had kind of lost myself too. The plan was to change my surroundings, which would change my life, at least, that's what I thought. But some lessons, you can't leave behind... no matter where you move.
Panic mode: activated
I had hoped the 10-day Vipassana course I followed would magically hand me all the insights I'd been looking for, and that I would emerge as a brand-new, enlightened version of myself.
But nope, it didn’t feel like that at all.
My mind went into overdrive: What now? How can I stop feeling like a total loser? Like a victim? I was angry at the world, and honestly, I didn’t even like myself very much either. “In resistance lies suffering,” as Eckhart Tolle says.
Fighting reality only makes you suffer more, but nothing felt good and so I was in constant resistant of what was at the time.
A call that changed everything
Then came a phone call that would change everything.
Someone asked if I’d be interested in a job in Switzerland, working for an international fashion brand. Honestly? I was kind of done with the fashion world after 12 years... But hey, I needed a plan. And what better plan than starting fresh in a new country, with a new job and new people? I said yes without hesitation.
Five interviews and one company visit later, I finally heard the magic words: “You’re hired!”
I remember feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
Finally, I could start over, build a new life from scratch.
My own Eat, Pray, Love story, only with Timberlands instead of sandals.
A new beginning (sort of)
After saying my goodbyes, the big day arrived. As the plane took off, I had tears in my eyes, tears of relief and excitement.
This is it. I’m leaving behind everything that made me feel stuck... right?
A few hours later, reality started to sink in.
Was this really the right decision?
What was I thinking?
And why on earth did I move to a country where I didn’t even speak the language?
On my first day, I set out to explore my new surroundings.
Knowing my sense of direction isn’t exactly my strong suit, I kept my walks simple, straight lines only, just to be safe.
There was a Christmas market going on, cozy stalls, glühwein, handmade gifts, twinkling lights. It all looked beautiful. But inside, I didn’t feel that cozy, magical vibe.
Instead, I just felt... disconnected. Not the fresh new start I had imagined.
Lessons I didn’t expect
Still, life had other plans for me. Over the next four years, I worked hard, traveled often, and somewhere along the way, I found the love of my life.
(Not a handsome Italian, but a very handsome Dutch guy I had actually known since I was 13. He was the brother of my then-best friend.)
He lived in Croatia at the time, I lived in Italy... and somehow, after 20 years without contact, our paths crossed again (thank you, social media).
I also met amazing people from all over the world and had the chance to work with wonderful colleagues from many different cultures.
I reinvented parts of myself, little by little.
But if I’m really honest, there was always this feeling in the background, a quiet sense of dissatisfaction I couldn’t quite shake.
And that old saying turned out to be very true:
You take yourself everywhere you go.
I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I had a great job, a good salary, I lived in Italy at Lake Como and worked in Switzerland. I had made some great friendships, and still, I wasn’t happy with where I was in life.
Everything can look perfect from the outside, but if you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, none of that really matters.
Four years in, I experienced the worst thing that ever happened to me.
My father developed complications after surgery and passed away.
It all happened so quickly.
After the funeral, I made up my mind: time is too short, and I have to follow my heart.
One of the decisions I made was to move back to my hometown, to be closer to my mom, to family, and to friends.
To be continued...
Moving abroad didn’t fix everything.
But it cracked something open, and set the stage for a whole new chapter.
Because coming home after more than 20 years... is a journey in itself.
How do you reconnect with a place you once left behind?
How do you build a life that fits who you’ve become?
Part 3 is coming soon.
Stay magical,
Madelon